Sunday, June 11, 2017

Stuff My Husband Says



Husband: I love you so much, you're the prettiest girl ever!
Me: Aww, I love you too!
Husband: ...I was talking to the dog.


Me: Please don't buy anything from the store except salsa. I went grocery shopping and I have lots of healthy food and I have meals planned.
*One hour later*
Husband: Look! I bought Hamburger Helper!


Me: Hey, did you wash this bowl?
Husband: Yeah.
Me: Did you use soap?
Husband: Yeah.
Me: Did you use a sponge?
Husband: I used my fingers. Isn't that the same?

*One week when we were on a healthy eating kick*
Husband: No, don't put any salt on my vegetables. We're being healthy.
*Two hours later when I found him eating Reese's Puffs out of the carton on the couch and accused him of being a hypocrite*
Husband: What? It's healthy. It's cereal.


*After I asked him to please bring home a cucumber*
Me: Why did you bring me a zucchini?
Husband: ...what's the difference?


Husband: You know, before you I used to keep the same spoon in my work truck and I'd use it every day to eat chili out of a can and I'd clean it with spit.


Me: Are you really watching soccer? AGAIN?
Husband: Yes, I'm trying to get into it.
Me: *large groan*
Husband: What?
Me: It's just... there's always some kind of sport on.
Husband: That is literally the point.

4 comments:

  1. haha I love this! washing the bowl with his fingers... i can't.

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  2. You two are the greatest. Also, the cucumber/zucchini thing has happened at my house, too.

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  3. So much the last one in my house!!! Stupid sports! Umm yeah I have done the finger bowl/plate wash before but only on barely dirty items. Hah!

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  4. The chili spoon--I'm dying. LOL!!

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